So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize