cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
