totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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