You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
