just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
