Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
