Dual....:-)
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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