I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
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So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
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You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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