I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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