I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
