Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
