Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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