Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..