I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
