Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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