i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
