I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
