you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
