Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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