i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
