after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
