I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
