the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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