why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
