his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
