I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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