Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
