Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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