I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
