Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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