The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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