I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
