How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
