there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just threw up on my dentist
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
