I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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