Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
