Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
