I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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