I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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