Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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