Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
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I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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