forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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