Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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