You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
