For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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