the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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