my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize