haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Panties = found
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
