Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
