Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
