dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
