he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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