Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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