i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
