Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Screwed.edu
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
