Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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