you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
