I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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