Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm not a real person

(586): View more from Michigan

I'm sorry, everyone knows that

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(586): I'm not a real person (586): I'm sorry, everyone knows that http://tfl.nu/uvd5

Replies (4) Good night (778) Bad night (866)
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(408): View more from California

When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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(408): When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus. http://tfl.nu/kpmf

Replies (26) Good night (8899) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
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(913): View more from Kansas

Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

(1-913): View more from Kansas

You're the best girlfriend ever.

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(913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen

Replies (144) Good night (39958) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
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(847): View more from Illinois

Just so you know, I have a bf.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.

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(847): Just so you know, I have a bf. (405): I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful. http://tfl.nu/esk6

Replies (7) Good night (3952) Bad night (627)
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(941): View more from Florida

My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

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(941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9

Replies (19) Good night (6270) Bad night (1066)
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(518): View more from New York

i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting

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(518): i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting http://tfl.nu/x71w

Replies (13) Good night (2735) Bad night (2785) Order T-Shirt
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(575): View more from New Mexico

We need to talk about our relationship.

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

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(575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4

Replies (20) Good night (8842) Bad night (1290)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.

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(252): just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far. http://tfl.nu/f1u5

Replies (20) Good night (4021) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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(316): View more from Kansas

I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day

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(316): I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day http://tfl.nu/h30u

Replies (16) Good night (1387) Bad night (3802) Order T-Shirt
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(614): View more from Ohio

Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.

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(614): Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning. http://tfl.nu/meuz

Replies (11) Good night (2026) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
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(835): View more from Pennsylvania

The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving

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(835): The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving http://tfl.nu/ks9z

Replies (7) Good night (2190) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
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(204): View more from Manitoba

we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.

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(204): we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please. http://tfl.nu/1hgr

Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
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(224): View more from Illinois

My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

(312): View more from Illinois

Elaborate

(224): View more from Illinois

Strip Mario-Kart

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(224): My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream. (312): Elaborate (224): Strip Mario-Kart http://tfl.nu/xw36

Replies (11) Good night (2508) Bad night (529)
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(480): View more from Arizona

So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?

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(480): So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast? http://tfl.nu/qa47

Replies (3) Good night (961) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
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(778): View more from British Columbia

On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?

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(778): On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check? http://tfl.nu/1mv7

Replies (7) Good night (923) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt

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