I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
