you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
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is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever