he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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