So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize